I cannot stopcollecting recipes, an unexpectedreplica of my mother / counting        calories                         seeingevery       bite                  an actI need to                    undo / lovingcherry blossoms that rain downeach spring, a torrent of pink petalsfalling / or buryingmy nose in the lilacs that rimmy neighbor's fence / I cannot         stopthinking my body would be               betterif there were less                   of itI        cannot talkpolitics without getting angry / cannotdo a crossword or win Scrabble            despite             my extensivevocabulary / cannot keep          a houseplant aliveI             cancook and bake and tell you the exactcalories in a brownie / a carrot / my morningsoy latte / can run ten                                hike twenty                                walk thirtymiles / can spend the daywith a book and neverbe bored / I can tell you I love            my dogs morethan anything else / I can       no longer                            surviveon little sleep but also                can no longersleep in / I can tell youwho I am but not            who I want to be