(pretend; تظاهر)

what a doll i was those years after the towers
fell. i went blonde as one goes insane, womaned
with a new name, an easy olio for the tongues

that tsk’d me. gone were the guttural
consonants, the hairs connecting my brows.
i starved my hips. i wore english like a ring

until men begged my father for my hand.
i detached my hand & gave it to him, a fishing
lure. a prophet arrived to open the leaves of me.

his cat-tongue barbed for bone. we pilgrimaged
after the fete, as if we had land to return to.
we spoke of the city as our parents

knew it: beirut’s 60s, glistening
bodies destined for martyrdom,
radio static, glass bottles of pepsi.

we uttered only words we knew
sang only songs we remembered.
everyday i used the wrong type of rice.

we decorated our home in tourist flags.
a blue eye hung over our door,
reflecting the eyes of the street.